Thursday, February 7, 2008

Cash-Strapped Hillary Clinton Forced To Take Out Loan From Herself

New York Senator, Hillary Clinton acknowledged on Wednesday that she loaned her campaign five million dollars late last month.

"I wanted to support the Presidential candidate who agrees with my own political views," she explained, "but there's no other candidate out there who agrees with my political views more than I do - so I decided to write out a check to myself."

Nevertheless, at a campaign stop in Midland Texas today, Arizona Senator, John McCain lambasted Hillary Clinton for accepting campaign contributions from herself and accused her of violating the Campaign Finance Reform Act and of caving in to special interests groups.

"Senator Clinton says she'd like to limit the influence of special interests groups," McCain said, "but apparently, she's taken money from the biggest special interest group of all - herself!"

However, according to Dr. George Turnwell, a noted political analyst and the head of UCLA's Political Science Department, Hillary's five million dollar loan won't get her very far in this race.

"In order for Hillary to stay alive in this campaign," Turnwell said, "she's got to come up with some donors, other than herself, who are willing to lay out some cash for her. Now, I know that's not such an easy task, but worse comes to worst, she can always ask her daughter, Chelsea, to lay out some money for her. I'm sure Chelsea would be more than willing to assist her mother in her time of need."

Nevertheless, while Turnwell's idea certainly sounded good on paper, Chelsea Clinton, when queried about the proposal reacted ambivalently to it.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but my dad absolutely abhors when I lend out huge sums of money like that! Then again, we're talking about my own mother...hmmm...., well, maybe my dad will make an exception this time around." I DiggIt!