Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Obama: My Close Ties To Racists Will Help Me Unite This Country

In a monumental address to the nation last week, Barack Obama assured the American people that his close relationship with his bigoted pastor and prejudiced grandmother, would make him "the perfect candidate to heal the nation's racial wounds".

"For the last 20 years," Obama asserted, "I've had the privilege to attend the sermons of a beloved pastor of mine who has uttered some of the most vile and racist remarks ever known to mankind!"

"And indeed," Obama continued, "after many years of hearing these uplifting sermons, I am truly the only candidate who can heal the racial divide that exists in America."

"Furthermore," Obama added, "my grandmother was a genuine, true-blooded redneck, who made me cringe every time she uttered a racist remark. So I think I know what it feels like to live in the US of KKK-A."

Obama also asserted that he was more experienced in matters of race than both Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

"Hillary Clinton and John McCain have never been associated with the kind of racists that I've been associated with," Obama said. "Hence, they are incapable of empathizing with people like me, whose sole source of inspiration are the race-baiting sermons of people like Jeremiah Wright!"

Obama's speech was immediately hailed by the media as one of the most eloquent speeches on race ever delivered by an American politician.

Obama's pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, also lauded the monumental speech and insisted that Obama would "unite the American people once and for all".

"This is a man who has never once vilified me for my bigoted remarks," Reverend Wright said of Obama. "And it simply stands to reason that if he can find common ground with a bigot like me, he'll surely be able to find common ground with all of America's bigots and bring them all together- and heal the US of KKK-A once and for all." I DiggIt!